Moody

I ought to be very happy today. I’m getting my first official break tomorrow, I have just got over my 3 months probation period and I’m finally entitled to MC leaves and annual leaves. Initial plan was to sing midnight karaoke tonight, something crops up and in the end it was canceled. It’s not a big deal about the cancellation since my throat is not in a good condition either.

Perhaps because I wanted to stay out late tonight, since there aren’t many of this kind of days that I won’t be working on the next weekday and I could have the chance to slip out late tonight.

Sigh.

I’m feeling real moody tonight, and to my frustration, I don’t know why is that. It’s really not about the karaoke, perhaps it’s due to the disappointment of a boring night, especially it’s a hard chance to come by.

It may be because of the office politics in my office, though it doesn’t really concern me, but when I think about it, it really makes me feel uncomfortable.

It may be because of the immense stress I’m feeling from not being able to finish my work, I’m getting really stuck on my codes. I have completed a few of the tasks, but I can say that I have no idea what I’m doing, what I’m doing is merely copying and pasting from examples and getting the thing up. I kept getting stuck for a very very long time every time there is something new that needs to be done.

It may be because the relationship between me and my colleagues are not that great. No matter how much and how hard I try, it’s not easy to break the barrier.

It may be because actually they didn’t quite like me and yet they didn’t show it out.

Or it may be because I’m thinking too much.

Sigh sigh sigh.

Isn’t it a basic courtesy that when you see a fella colleague face to face while both are going towards their own destination that we should smile at each other or at least nod a head. Most female colleagues I saw just kinda ignored me though, it’s not a big deal about this kind of thing, it’s just that who will like working in this kind of environment?

How could a company expect their staffs to stay if all they felt around them are hostility and unfriendliness.

I told some of you guys about this matter. On the night of advance dinner for our company, I was on the train with some other colleagues. There was this female colleague, she was asking me about which school I’m from or something, I don’t recall the flow of the conversation, I remembered telling her I won’t be staying for long as I will be going to further studies sooner or later. Then I told her I previous had my attachment in here and thus I stayed. Her reaction bothered me a lot.

She replied, “Oh! So you are the IA student who says she’s gonna further studies”. I felt kinda puzzled, it’s the first time I talk to her, and she already knew about this. I asked her where did she heard from about me, and she told me that she just heard somebody saying it, then the topic is over. If a random person could know about me, am I not right to think that there are bad rumors about me going around in the office.

It’s okay if you could have just ignored it and carry on with your life, but it’s really very hard. Once you think about it, it’s really depressing.

There is only one person who could be spreading this thing around, she was also the one who caused me to kinda get scolded by my boss when I first had a meeting with her and I told her about my plan for further studying. Best thing is she could still smile and talk to me whenever we saw each other at the corridor.

If only people could just show their dislikes / likes for people obviously instead of doing in this kind of method, it’s so hard to guess who is the one backstabbing really. I even know who are the dangerous people, and there isn’t anything I can do about it.

The worst thing is, I realized I’m slowly putting on a mask in the office. The realization of this suddenly dawned on me today. To my horror, I automatically put on a mask when I saw other colleagues around. I didn’t wanna socialize around that much, and surprisingly I’m doing it reflectively.

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Everybody are all too absorbed in their own things. I don’t even know whether what I want is a listening ear or what. Sometimes when I tell my problems to a person, she don’t take me seriously, we ended up being pissed at each other. Some are too concerned about their problems to listen to yours.

I couldn’t blame them anyway, I don’t even know what I want.

I think, maybe I should try distancing myself from my colleagues. It’s making me think of unnecessary things and I got more than enough things to think about already.

In the end, all we could ever depend on are ourselves ain’t it?

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9 thoughts on “Moody

  1. omg.. seems like the working environment sucks.. i lost all my faith on that company~~ lol.. If i have a choice i won’t want to join your company, it seems torturing after reading this post. You everyday going to work like going on war~~

    But then I think office politics is inevitable and the situation at you company is quite serious. I don’t know what is so funny about “IAP student who wanna further studies” maybe there is some mis-communication somewhere. I think you better not talk too much of your problems in the company or any sensitive topics to your colleagues. Those who appeared to be trustworthy might actually be the gossip queen or backstabbers. Else you might lose your credibility. I think best is not to talk, go become your gu du pai again. I think even the slightest smallest thing u do can become a big mistake in their eyes.

    Maybe its time to seeks a greener grass

    1. if i have a choice i wouldnt choose to stay long term either unless you can be sure that you will be able to climb up fast lor. then maybe people wouldnt dare to backstab you le. but who knows.

      office politics i know is inevitable la.. just that i nvr thought it to be this disgusting. is just that the “IA student who wanna go further studies” really bothers me a lot, i seriously dun understand what they mean lor. and from what i feel, the people there seems to look down on diploma holders, though they really dun say it. yeah, best way is to try distancing. but the people in my project team is good. the onli problem is the ladies in the office. no chance to talk and they can still spread rumours about people sia. pro or what.

      but one thing good about now is at least i got the chance to learn new platforms and languages sia. im not sure about seeking greener grass or not. i’ll think about it ba.

      1. i also think they look down on diploma holder or you lah.. it’s like it’s joke of 2010 that poly students wants to go for further studies.

  2. very weird meh? poly students go further studies?
    just ignore those people lor.
    a lot of people are prejudiced towards certain types of people. last time before i decided to go to WKW, when i answer that i’m going to FASS, they’ll just orh… then never say anything. god knows what they’re thinking in that silence.
    but after i changed to WKW, they go, “Oh that one ar! That’s a good school!”

    but okay lar, it’s not much to gossip about now is there? it’s not like you comitted murder, had an abortion, been to prison, have a boyfriend with a tattoo on his face, are lesbian or something like that. that kind then is fodder for gossip.
    look at it this way, at least it’ll help you differentiate between the people worth being friends with and the ones who arent.

    budden yeah, it’s tiresome having to face idiots like that and have to smile.
    *huggies* dont worry, you will be seeing the wonderful excellent unspeakably great me soon!

  3. mooyalty : yeah. they look down on poly grads ba seriously. damn it..

    hantu : i dunno. ask them lor. they’re look down on dip holders, at least thats what i felt. in the first place, the country is elitist, its not strange that the citizens also become like this lol. like i said before, when people are the top, they would forget how is it like to be at the bottom and would even look down / despise weaker people groups.
    i dun even know i can make friends with or who i can’t. if this goes on for a long time, i will develop a inferiority complex man LOL! yeah hoping to see you soon also HAHA!

    1. LOL NATALIE GOT GPA 4.0?!!?!?!?!?!?! LOL

      guo ran is natalie hahahaha. in the first place i very shocked she went poly la LOL that time quite furnie when asking her about it LOL!

  4. Why sound so depressed? Ignore all those negative energy (tho its hard). You are there to work so just do a good job, prove it to yourself and people who look down on poly grads. Break a leg! And i think putting on a mask at work is inevitable.. unless you are steve jobs. But maybe even steve jobs put on a mask at work too! Hahaha! Don’t need feel weird/fake. On the contrary, i think that’s the norm, so do a good job too!

    1. trying to also, actually this kind of thing is okay when you dun think about it, but once started thinking, like very hard to stop. you know when you put “and putting on a mask at work in inevitable” i thought you meant to bring a facial mask to use at work sia LOL! ayz, like i said your eq much better ma LOL! fen a bit of your eq to me ba ~~ LOL

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