I’ve been in this dilemma for such a long time, and everybody has heard me bitched about this at least once in these few months, or since the start of this year.
My brain kept asking me to get out of this sinking shit hole, because it stinks so bad, and I know it’s going to stink for me at least until the end of this year (this is because there’s actually an online chart thing which shows who is handling what tasks / projects and mine are scheduled nicely one after another till December). Yet I still stay. Because not very deep down inside, I’m hoping that I’m getting a higher salary.
Subconsciously I know that I’m not getting a high increment (because I already had one earlier this year), but I’m going for the 1% chance that I’m getting a high increment. And now I’m hoping that they will just either reject my request for an increment, or just give me a low one so I can finally convince both my heart and brain to get out of here!!! And yet I know that it’s not hard for me to get another job which pays the same range of pay (and I don’t have to OT so much and play with so much politics).
Yeah, I’m in this weird dead hole that I throw myself in and refuse to get out.
Anyways, back to the main point of my blog post. I just had a dream recently, it involves my current manager and this Italian guy who came over 2-3 weeks back to give us training on WordPress development. And I’ve asked them both on what language they’ve communicated with back in Europe, and they said English (since one speaks French, and the other is Italian). So my brain actually registered this data, and in this dream I dreamt that I saw this Skype conversation on my manager’s laptop with this guy (I was at his desk looking for something for some reason I don’t remember and I happened to see the skype contacts, and I saw this Italian guy’s name under “Recent chats” and I went to see what is it about, yes, intruding of privacy which I usually don’t do in reality but I was too curious in the dream I guess).
So I double clicked the name and the conversation window appeared and voila!
Both of them are bitching about me (because of all the questions I kept pestering the Italian guy about WordPress) in the Skype. Knowing my own personality, if this kind of thing really happened, I’m the kind that will just get out of this office regardless of how much increment they gave me. Thus my brain actually cooked up a situation whereby I know I won’t hesitate and tender a resignation straight away.
Brains are such marvelous things.
Even when I woke up in the morning, I honestly thought it’s real, and I actually felt relieved because I can finally convince myself to resign, and after 5 seconds or so, the realization that it’s a dream finally hits me and it made me feel a little bit amused (and depressed).